The Highs and Lows of the Feels.

Listening to– “Forever and Always”-Ok Sweetheart

There’s the highs and the lows; and when things are really great YOU’RE ON TOP OF THE WORLD, and no one can bring you down. Then there is the moment when you just want to say “screw it”, crawl back into bed and not be seen for a good week until you ‘think’ that you have life sorted out. Unfortunately; I’ve hit both, but mostly it’s been the “I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD” feeling (WHICH IS FANTASTIC) ((i.e.; last weekend– last Saturday).

I’m not here to explore my inner-most  feelings: I know what I feel, and I know how intensely I feel them (and I have INTENSE emotions). You should ask my husband.  Unfortunately/fortunately he has had to experience quite a range of them in the last five months.

However, because I feel means that I am human, and that I am being healthy in expressing them. Or so I have been told!

I am here to share the life lessons  that I have gained from all of this “feeling”. Sometimes I am thankful for my inherent stubborn nature. It makes life easier when I need to hold my ground; and or stand firm with a decision I have to make.

  • Being a feminist doesn’t mean you HATE men, or you HAVE to have an alternative lifestyle as a female. It simply means you KNOW what YOU want; and when you want it.  Let me elaborate: I am a feminist for many reasons–  I want equality for women around the world, the sheer fact that YOU HAVE to claim to be a feminist means that we are still a highly patriarchal society; and that needs to be changed.  I have struggled with this; I’ve always felt that being a traditionalist undermined being a feminist. It doesn’t; it just means that I am a highly aware female who wants equality; but also knows that to be empowered I need to be comfortable with myself.  I am! I can be a straight female who believes that monogamy is what works best for me– and still be empowered! I can in turn empower other women with whatever they want to be empowered by! 
  • Despite my life becoming a roller coaster, out of the disdain, I was able to find complete and utter joy in the realization of these two things. I know what I want, and for the first time in a LONG time I’m sure of something; and that is that I am happy. I also refuse to ever let people or events get in the way of my happiness for various reasons.  That’s loaded, and not always a perfect scenario– but for now I think it will work.
  • Life will always get in the way of what you feel is perfect, and unfortunately/fortunately you’re given the task of rolling with the punches and making the best of what life throws at you. Sometimes that leaves you utterly lost and other times it leaves you feeling blessed.

I know I said I wouldn’t talk about feelings, but somehow these are just processes that one goes through to understand why one is feeling this way. I think my dream of moonlighting as a self-help columnist is somehow coming out in this.  I value conversations, I value relationships, and I value happiness.

All important; and all important to how we as humans exist.  I also highly value honesty and trust, and the ability to tell me even when you shouldn’t feel a certain way; how you really feel. It’s how we grow, it’s how we learn to continue to love, and or decide what we really want for ourselves.

I currently love my life, and I love the environment, city, state, and I most definitely love my husband. He’s  my best friend, and he’s one of the reasons of why I am so happy with my life.

Listening to– “Bright Whites”-Kishi Bashi

“And there are other places which,
although we did not stay for long,
stick in the mind and call us back—
a valley visited one spring
where walking through an apple orchard
we breathed its blossoms with the air.
Return seems like a sacrament.”- Places to Return (Dana Gioia)

 

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