I always feel so selfish when posting about myself, but to some extent blogs are about the self. They are meant to be selfish, and self-discovering (and I am self-discovering). I have learned so much about myself in a matter of months; I think this semester has been my most ‘trying’ yet. Not to say that I cannot handle it, but I know my limits now. My semester in review has been mainly working as an unpaid internship with the Indiana Democratic party, I am in no way required to have an internship- in my defense I have had three years of internship, two paid- and one unpaid. I am extremely grateful for internships- every year they open my eyes to the world, and myself.
This one in particular, I personally dislike politics, but am I in no way apathetic. My view is you can’t bitch unless you put out the vote. Especially for certain voter groups this is important, I am a huge believer in women voting- and it pains me to see so many people, not only women to be caught up in voter apathy. I don’t know how to fix this- but I wish people would get it through their heads- things will not happen unless we speak up. This VIEW DOES NOT ONLY APPLY TO SOCIAL MOVEMENTS! -EHEM- *cough*. … but I digress.
I however am realizing that I am growing up, and at the same time trying not to, because this is how I run my life. Usually at least. I also have realized that even though I try to exist, try to change the world- that I am one person, and cannot do it alone- which sadly I do not follow this advice- there are many others who can do it to, it can be a group effort if we put in the time! Yet, I don’t always follow this advice, and usually end up burning myself out on stuff I invest my time in, because I invest ALL OF MY TIME, but this election season I realized that I actually do have limits- and I used them, and for that I feel like I am somewhat realizing this. Being burned out, is quite simple — and it causes me to become very cranky, and very mad at EVERYONE… which is selfish, but I am not selfish. Being yelled at EVERYDAY, is abuse. Simple. From this lesson I have learned humility, grace, and belief that it is okay to be selfish every once in awhile.
In realizing that I am ‘reluctantly’ growing up- I have started to find jobs outside of the college educational setting. Outside of Indiana, to boot. Kyle and I have also started planning our wedding, I even bought my wedding dress. FIRST- WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO? I am slightly scared that is FAST, but realize in the end it is not…
In short, growing up is difficult, as well as rewarding. I am not the same person I was five years ago. Five years ago I was sixteen- and looking for something that didn’t exist, and I was hoping to grow out of being awkward- to some extent that has not changed- but in a lot of ways it has…
and I don’t always feel like I am going anywhere… at once.
and frankly growing up, is like looking for lost change in your couch. Incredibly rewarding, but a little fuzzy when it comes to the future.
Yeah, I just did a couch analogy.
WHO AM I? I am not sure. Maybe.
I have been told, by a very good friend, that I am the sort of person that can do ANYTHING that I put my mind to and be successful at it, and most of the time that gets me through the day.
“If I was 17, I could find it in between the cushions of somebody’s couch, I could find it, I could find it, … I could find it in a dream, a dime a dozen kind of love, I could find it… but Im not 17 and I lost it in between the birthday cakes, and fast mistakes that rolled by…” – Locked Up- Ingrid Michaelson